Some
years ago I had chronic fatigue syndrome. After trying many different
therapies, which all helped to some extent, I had the distinct feeling
that the problems I was having with the body were a process. I saw
that the imbalances were mental-emotional overlays to the body, belief
systems of a very subtle nature. I knew that I could look deeply into
the body and process myself out of them. My rationale was that everything
is consciousness, including the body. Processing will shift consciousness;
therefore processing will shift the body. I would just have to find
the right pieces. That was the hard part, finding the right pieces.
I made a list of hundreds of polarities associated with the material
planethings like: HEALTH and SICKNESS, OLD and YOUNG, STRONG and
WEAK, GRAVITY and LEVITY.
I
sat on my bed and resolved not to move until I was successful in shifting
my con- dition. It was during this time that I intuited the squares
technique. I filled two or three notebooks in my determination to
be healed. It took three weeks, but I found most of the issues. Eventually,
after experiencing numerous subtle shifts, the most spectacular came
with a square on LIFE and DEATH. This involved looking deeply into
the issues of why I DESIRED TO LIVE, why I FEARED LIVING, why I DESIRED
TO DIE, and why I FEARED DYING. As I completed the square and did
the offering, I felt the meridians, or channels of subtle energy,
in the body pop open and the energy begin to flow in the body
again. The disability was over, and the cure seemed miraculous. I
was sold on the squares technique, as you may imagine. Now I would
like to share this technique with you.
This
technique is a little more complicated than the lists of opposites.
It is associated mainly with the physical body and the physical world,
although it serves to clear the subtle bodies as wellincluding mental
and emotional. The number four and the square are symbols for the
physical plane. The consciousness is quite boxed-in at this
level, and that creates density. The square is a very a-dynamic form.
We even have a colloquial expression in our language, calling someone
a square, meaning that they are rather conservative, stuck
and boring. The dynamic wave energy of life has been contained in
a box and cannot unravel itself easily.
As
you read ahead about how a square works, you will see that each corner
is an aspect of consciousness that is out of balance. Each corner
represents some part of the ego that pushes or pulls you off center.
In the normal course of our lives, we tend to live out the corners
rather unconsciously. They are our desires and fears. When we live
by habit or by rote and dont examine the nature of our own egos,
it can take years, or even lifetimes, to live out our desires and
fears represented in one square. This translates as feeling boxed-in
and stuck in life, and normally we dont even know why we feel this
way. Usually, most people blame the outside circumstances of their
lives, rather than look within to see what needs to change in order
to effect outer change.
When
we have little or no knowledge of the principle of changing the inner
to change the outer, we have to live out in the physical world the
experience of the effect of our desires and fears. In other words,
before we tumble to the fact that what limits us is the inner, egoic
conditioningour desires and fearsthey will cause us to have to live
out physically whatever their effects are. Until we realize this fact,
we generally dont experience significant change in our lives. We
may try to change the outer appearance, the window dressing, for example
by changing jobs or relationships or locations, but we dont experience
a real change in our lives until we begin to examine what really limits
usour egoic conditioning, which comes down to our desires and fears.
This is why we often find that we have to keep repeating the same
lessons and the same kinds of experiences over and over with just
a change in scenery, and we feel caught in some kind of bizarre loop.
The movie Groundhogs Day with Bill Murray offers an excellent
metaphoric illustration of this metaphysical principle; it is also
very funny. It is about a man who wakes up every day and re-experiences
the same dayGroundhogs Day. He finally finds his way out through
balancing and clearing his inner consciousness and by moving into
the heart.
As
you read ahead about the squares technique, you will see that it offers
a much faster method of experiencing change in your life than having
to live out in the physical world the experience of your desires and
fears. Doing a square allows you to complete the experience mentally,
rather than physically. All you have to do is write about the desires
and fears in your journal. This allows you to shorten the path greatly.
In fact, this is also true for the polarities and triangles techniques.
Because these are all mental techniques, they offer a very fast way
to transform consciousness, rather than having to live out our lessons
physically.
When
I was given this structure, spirit said to me that DESIRE and FEAR
form a pair of opposites. Energetically, DESIRE is the pulling toward
something and FEAR is pushing it away, or pulling back from it. Desire
and fear represent one of the ways in which we use ATTRACTION and
REPULSION. As we have seen, attraction and repulsion are the powerful
magnetic forces that shape the physical world. To use the squares
technique, we insert the relevant polarity into this powerful format
of desire and fear.
The
oscillations in consciousness, back and forth (the ups and downs in
life), are kept in motion by our attractions to things and our repulsions
to things, our desires for things and our fears of them. The square
processing technique is a diagram for the flow of awareness and energy
on a mental and emotional level. These awarenesses form projections
and create the events we live with in the physical world. They shape
our physical world and the body. So we can examine any one polarity
in a way that also takes into consideration that pushing/pulling sensation
and effect change right through the mental-emotional levels down into
the physical. This is the square.
To
do the square technique, first you pick a polarity that you want to
examine in greater depth. Maybe it is one that you uncovered when
you wrote a story for polarity processing, a polarity that for you
seems to have a lot of charge on it. For example, our old friend of
the freeway, Paul, decided to do a square on CONTROL and OUT OF CONTROL.
Then
you draw a square in your journal. You label the two corners on the
left side of the square the DESIRE TO _____. The two corners on the
right side of the square are labeled the FEAR OF _____. Then you fill
in the blanks with the polarities. One polarity goes into both top
corners, and the other polarity goes into the two bottom corners.
Using
Pauls example, in the upper left-hand corner of this square, we write
the words, DESIRE TO BE IN CONTROL, and in the upper right-hand corner
we write the words, FEAR OF BEING IN CONTROL. The desire and fear
of the opposite, we write in the lower two corners. In the lower left
we write DESIRE TO BE OUT OF CONTROL, and in the lower right we write
FEAR OF BEING OUT OF CONTROL (Fig. 11-1).
(Fig.
11-1).
So
for any polarity, we just attach the words, DESIRE TO... ,
FEAR OF..., DESIRE TO..., and FEAR OF.... Whatever the polarity is,
we use the same word for both top corners, and the opposite polarity
for both bottom corners. We put the label, DESIRE TO... on both the
left-hand corners, and the label FEAR OF... on both right-hand corners.
We always use this structure (Fig. 11-2).
(Fig.
11-2).
Now
is a good time to practice the first step of the technique. Try labeling
a square in your journal on the polarity LOVE and HATE, for example.
Also try labeling a square on WIN and LOSE.
Once
we have labeled the square, then the real fun begins. We explore it.
We look at it and try to recognize which corners we are familiar with.
If there are one or two corners that we have never seen before, then
we try to feel them.
We
all contain all four corners of the square. Some of them may be locked
into the unconscious, but they are all in there somewhere. It is very
common to want to go into denial regarding some of the corners.
Usually
when we do squares, especially when we are working with a pair of
opposites that we really react to, we will find that there
is at least one corner (sometimes two) that we have not seen before.
This is our hidden side, the part that is in our unconscious. Everything
in each corner exists within us because we are all everything. It
is denial to say, "I dont do that!" If we indulge in denial and avoidance
in this way, we are choosing to make something unconscious.
We
have to try to remember an instance when we felt it.
Step
three takes place on a mental-emotional level. Step four will involve
writing about this in your journal. For now just think or feel it
through, and dont worry about the writing part. Before we get into
journal work, take some time to think about these sample squares.
That
is a polarity that pushes on people a lot. The corners are: the desire
to be dependent, the fear of being dependent, the desire to be independent,
and the fear of being independent.
The
fear of being dependent is very common. The image of growing
old, becoming feeble and being a burden on ones family usually sends
most people into fear.
But
how about the desire to be dependent? Perhaps this corner is
less easily visible and might require a little more internal examination.
But if you look deeply enough, you can see that it is easy to long
for someone else to take care of you, to nurture you and to provide
for you. It can feel wonderful to be dependent on someone loving and
strong in this way. This is the desire to be dependent.
The
desire to be independent is pretty easy to see. Especially
during the teenage years, we crave our independence. Is there a corner
that you have never seen before? The fear of being independent
perhaps? That is probably the least commonly felt corner. But if you
feel your way into it, you can probably recall a time when you feared
your own independence. For example, what about when it was time to
leave your parents house and strike out on your own? Or what about
leaving a long-term relationship? Usually there is some degree of
fear involved in these instances.
The
desire to be inferior. Most people try their very best never
to feel this corner! You might ask yourself incredulously, "Could
some part of me really desire to feel inferior?! How can this possibly
be?" But it is true. The desire to feel inferior is a part in the
unconscious played by the victim. As the victim, we might find we
get attention and sympathy, or we get to blame the outside and feel
self-righteous, which feels good and juicy. If you look hard enough,
you will probably be able to remember at least one time when you felt
this. When you can own this corner, you are on the way to awakeness.
The
other corners are: the fear of being inferior, the desire
to be superior (we all know feeling), and the fear of being
superior.
Everybody
grapples with this one. The desire to be approved of and
the fear of being approved ofyou start suppressing the natural
expression of your innate self because of these two. Most of us know
about the desire to be approved of. However, a lot of people develop
a self-destructive pattern so that they will not have to deal with
success and with being approved of. They cannot handle it, and that
feeds into the desire to be disapproved ofthe rebel. The fear of
being approved of is the lesser known part. It will sabotage your
efforts, especially if you are working with the public in some way
and just cannot handle the praise or the acclaimor the criticism,
actually. They both have the power to throw you off balance. Praise
is something that everyone craves, yet when you get it, it often knocks
you sideways.
Then,
it leads to the desire to be disapproved of. For example, maybe
that is the reason why movie stars sometimes do outrageous things!
For the shock value. You create the outside to reject and push you
away. There is juice in that.
Then,
of course, you go to the fear of being disapproved of because
some part of you doesnt like feeling rejected. It creates a loop
in consciousness. The energy keeps moving, and the corners lead into
each other, cycling around and around continuously.
We
know the desire for abundanceeveryone knows that one!
The
fear of abundance can be a biggie for spiritual seekers since
many of us have taken a vow of poverty in one lifetime or another.
There is a fear that money corrupts. When doing this square, people
often think, "Well, you know, if I had money, I would be a bad person."
So they will not let themselves have it. It is too big a responsibility,
they feel. They fear they might have to shine their shoes, put a smile
on their faces, and go out there to face the world or to take care
of other people.
Abundance
does not have to mean money, really. So you can examine abundance
to see if you have chosen abundant loving, money, generosity, creativity
and relationships.
The
fear of abundance and the desire for lack are much less
acknowledged than the other corners. These corners are usually associated
with the belief that asceticism is spiritual and good. Can you find
another reason?
The
fear of lack runs very deeply in most of us. Some peoples
worst fear is about being poor and homelessbeing a bag person pushing
a shopping cart on the streets.
So,
the next step is to divide your journal page into four equal sections
by drawing a large cross in the middle of the page. Label the top
of each quadrant with one corner of the square. Then, in each quadrant
you write down every possible way in which you know that desire or
fear.
Many
times, you will have too much for one corner to fit it all on a fourth
of a page. In this case, you may want to use four pages, one for each
corner of the square. If you run out of room using just one page,
dont try to economize with paper. Be extravagant and fill up as many
sheets as you need to.
Write
words, short phrases, or a narrative of how you have lived out that
corner. This includes emotions, thoughts, states of mind, memories,
dreams and anything else that comes up for you. For each corner ask
yourself, "How do I feel about this corner? How does/did that
look for me at one time? And why do I desire or fear this thing?
What is my motivation to desire or fear this thing?"
A
prominent theme in many processing stories is of being a VICTIM who
is abused by a TYRANT. In a workshop we conducted, a group filled
in the corners of the VICTIM/TYRANT square with the following responses.
Before you read their responses, take a few minutes and try this square
in your own journal. Then, look at the lists below. Some of their
answers will probably be real eye-openers for you.
Here
is how you can divide your page (Fig. 11-3). For our example, we have
made lists. The lists are long enough for each corner that we have
used several pages.
(Fig.
11-3)
In
the corner labeled the
DESIRE
TO BE A VICTIM:
feeling
the need to be punished
feeling
guilty
to
get attention
dont
have to work
self-righteousness
at
least I am harmless as a victim
security
of the familiar
to
get sympathy
dont
have to be conscious
to
be a martyr
to
avoid conflict
I
have feelings of unworthiness
self-indulgence
balancing
out bad karma
get
pampering
self-pity
belonging
to the victim tribe
commiserating
comparing
and sharing wounding with others
to
get nurturing and love
to
blame others
to
manipulate others
playing
games
innocence
I
want people to have compassion for me
dont
have to be responsible
have
an excuse
cant
help it
justified
anger
indignation
bad
mouthing others
as
a child when I got sick, Id get special treatment
In
the corner labeled the
FEAR
OF BEING A VICTIM:
its
embarrassing and humiliating
Ill
never get out of my rut
infantilized
powerless
fear
of death
lose
self-respect
lose
respect of others
fear
of no love
fear
of no intimacy
fear
of feeling worthless
being
in danger
passive
pain
being
vulnerable
being
pitied
being
terrorized
exploited
shamed
fear
of dying unconscious, unawake
betrayed
lack
of control
hopelessness
meaninglessness
purposelessness
weakness
inferior
degrading
depressing
impotent
losing
despair
dependent
needy
pathetic
suicide
as
a child I feared my father spanking me
In
the corner labeled the
DESIRE
TO BE A TYRANT:
to
have power over my own life
to
have power and control over others
self-control
to
get my own way
dont
have to face being wrong
at
least I know what to expect
revenge
access
to people and things
for
tough love
to
get adoration
its
strong
to
feel superior
state
of being active (not passive)
to
feel in charge
to
get attention
to
win
to
get respect
manipulation
dominance
to
punish others
to
have no fear
dont
have to feel
to
enjoy being cruel
to
vent rage
sadistic
greed
anger
hate
make
others work
so
I can be lazy
create
order
feeling
immortal
for
fame
be
a great leader
In
the corner labeled the
FEAR
OF BEING A TYRANT:
could
be lonely
being
punished
fear
of making mistakes
fear
of facing my power
Id
be unloved
responsible
for consequences
fear
of being hated
fear
of being disapproved of
fear
of not being accepted
isolated
fear
of being unspiritual
hurting
others
cruelty
being
despised
fear
of having no friends or family
bad
karma
could
be fatal
fear
of feeling separate
fear
of people not being honest
cant
trust people
loss
of love
being
out of control
Now
give the whole square back to spirit. Offer it up with a prayer, just
like you did with the polarity processing and triangles techniques.
It is important to remember at this point, after you have churned
up all of this egoic stuff and feel as though you have emptied your
cup, just to let it all go. You dont have to continue to analyze,
fret, figure it out with your head, or be the one to fix the situation.
Spirit does the work for you after you have made the unconscious conscious.
Remember that all of the desires and fears are not real; they are
not who you are. You are pure awareness, and these states just pass
through you. You can rest and relax after your offering, knowing that
you are releasing everything you have dug up. There is nothing more
for you to do once you have made the four corners of the square conscious.
You can trust that grace will come in and make the changes for you,
bringing you more into wholeness, balance and healing, more into the
knowledge of who you truly arethe Self.
Just
as with the opposites and triangle techniques, after you make your
offering, remember to wait for grace. You can occupy your time by
performing some simple, mundane activities, like tending the plants
or taking a walk. You will get a shift from doing a square. Try to
remain in your neutral witness and just be present and mindful, so
that you can be conscious of and experience the shift. If you are
sensitive, you may especially feel it in your body after doing a square.
In fact, you may have already had an experience of feeling a shift
in your body from doing polarities or triangles. But because squares
take the process a step further, into the physical, you will be more
likely to experience the shift physically, in addition to mentally
and/or emotionally. You may also find new insights pouring in. You
may find yourself saying, "Oh, I got it. I really got it!" Be open
to new information coming in or a next step in your process being
presented to youfrom anyone and anywhere. Or as the layer of the
process peels off, you may find that you begin to emote. In Chapter
14Developing the Witness, we discuss in more detail a way to vent
emotion from the place of the witness and to not make the emotion
real. This is an excellent way to discharge old, stuck energy and
is often a good sign that you have cleared something. If you dont
feel the shift, that is okay. It is happening anyway. You can trust
in that.
